Thursday, January 31, 2013

Calm, Cool, and Collected: The Scariest Teachers In School

"What in the world are you doing! That's it. No more recess for the rest of your school days...even college!"
     I could hear them from behind the closed door to my classroom; little girls having themselves a good 'ol giggle-scream fest in the restroom. I could hear them over the bang, slap, tap-tap-tap, shuffle, slap bang, jibber-jabber, shuffle, yickety-yap from the 547 little gremlin students still anxiously awaiting their chance to go for a field trip to the Urinarium.  I could hear them. I'm sure everyone could hear them. I wondered when I had lost my mind. What ever possessed me to let those two leave the room at the same time. Together. I lose it from time... to time... to time... to time.
(Hmmm... like the time I let Glitterific Girl and Big Girl use my Sharpie markers...and they decided to, ahem, play beauty shop...)
     Anyway, I don't think the strange phenomena of having to use the facilities two minutes after coming in from using them only occurs in my classroom...or my car...my house...
(Really child? Would you like me to move your desk in there? Really?)
It's a fascinating place, the Urinarium...
(the toilets flush so well in our school, I'm sure Augustus Gloop would shoot right through them. No problem!)
     As I was saying, I let these two princesses go as I had several cherubs doing their best rendition of the Pee-Pee dance. And there was a whole lotta pee-pee dancing going on in my room. So much so, that I turned on the Youtube and did several thousand repeats of  Boom Chicka Boom http://youtu.be/F2XVfTzel8E Just so they could get their minds off their desperate need!
(Hey! I think I've found the connection. Lack of hydration=Loss of senses...perhaps?)
     So when I heard their own dance party happening in the restroom, I took my groovy self over to the door to nail 'em! wait patiently for them. I waited...and waited...and waited...until...boom chicka rocka chicka rocka chicka boom...! I saw two sets of little eyes peer at me through the glass window and I waited...that's right... uh-huh...oh yeah... one more time...! And then I opened the door sloooowwwly and I said to those two little guilt stricken faces, "Get over there to Mr. H's room and tell him you two were the ones banging on the dryer machine and that you are so sorry for disturbing his class and guess what you're missing our dance party because you two were messin' around!"
That's right...uh-huh...one more time...Elvis style...!
     As they walked the plank across the hall to Mr. H's door, I could have sworn I heard someone playing doomsday music. I watched as the frilly skirt, bow wearing, glittery sweeties berated each other mentally, "It's your fault! No it's your fault you're the one that wanted to hold an early Super bowl party in there!" "You want me to take them Teacher?" ,my eager Student Teacher asked. "No honey, they can do it." " Okay, so you want me to take their PR points away?" "Yes, honey. Do that." " And you want me to tell their Mom when we go home?" " No, I can do that too. But thank you anyway." "Okay, so you want me to take all their recesses away for the rest of the year?" 
(sometimes power goes to their heads...If they ran the class I'm sure they would bring back corporal punishment)
     I could see Mr. H speaking to them through the window. He didn't yell. He hardly had any facial expression at all. He spoke to them like he speaks to everyone; quietly, softly, pleasantly.
And know what? Those two little angels came back crying their little eyes out, apologizing profusely, and promising to never-ever hold another conference in the Urinariam ever again!
(until their Teacher loses her senses again, of  course!)
The Lesson
Oh boy this is a hard one, 'cuz, well I'm a little, how you say??? Expressive, yeah that's it. Expressive in my vocal discipline style. But, nonetheless, You don't have to raise your voice to get kiddos' attention. The opposite extreme works so much better!
So, whattaya waiting for? Next time you want to scream at the top of your lungs at some thing or another. Stop, breathe and...BOOM CHICKA BOOOOOOM!!!! 
Love,
Teacher-Mom

1 comment:

  1. I've found that it's frequently the soft-spoken ones who can actually "speak" the loudest into a situation. Fun post!

    Thanks for dropping by at Pink Dryer Lint and introducing yourself! For some reason your comment landed in my inbox, but not on the post, but I certainly wanted to say hello. All the best to you!

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